Archive for June, 2007
Yes, yes .. guess no more. It’s my birthday. Hi, my name is May Leng. I am twenty eight years old today. It took me twenty eight years to be able to sensibly count my blessings without shame. The list in random order.
1. A glass of fresh juice made by my mother every morning
2. An sms from a long lost friend, sending his/her warm birthday greetings
3. A small but yet priceless gift from my nephews who saves their pocket money, decides to spend it on my gift
4. No gifts, no hugs, just words of appreciation from a friend – 4th of June, I am thankful because you were born
5. I have a home to come to at the end of every 4th of June
6. The plants in my garden bloomed beautiful flowers, I know it was just for me that bright sunny day.
7. There’s still milk in the cartoon for my oatmeal.
8. To have the strength and wisdom to see the true colours of another
9. To be able to blow my birthday candles in one blow
10. 2 dogs who onced brighten my lonely days
Standing at the corner against the wall, wearing a blue torn jeans and a T-shirt, the young man sighs impatiently. Next to him, stood an executive male in his white bleached shirt and grey slacks, his spectacles gave me the impression yet another computing geek. He is far from relaxed. I walked passed both the men and realised there’s possibly six other males sharing the same purpose. They were waiting. Nothing particularly peculiar, a common sight I must say seen outside the entrance of a shopping mall toilet. I’m sure most of them are thinking, “what is taking her so long ?”
Empathy you may not share with me if you are amongst the waiting group. Allow me to shed some interesting facts on the causes behind the wait.
A man walks into the male toilet. He chooses an empty urinal bowl. He then stands in front of it, unzip his pants, pulls out his little brother (or some may claim a gigantic one), relieves himself and zip it. Possibly, walks out of the toilet.
Details of timing on the above event:
1. Finds a vacant urinal bowl – 3 sec
2. Unzip, pull,aim, shoot – 20 sec
3. Walk out – 3 sec
Calculating the unknown variables of walking speed and the courtesy of some who actually washes their hands, the total time may not be more than 2 minutes.
Now, the women.
The urgent girl hurriedly walks into the over-crowded female toilet. She tries to spot the shortest queue. Walks in between the crowd, finds herself in a decent line of 5 persons. She stands waiting for 10 minutes for her turn. With a sense of victory upon her turn when the toilet door opens, she walks into the toilet, finds the toilet seat in an unspeakable condition. She sighs deeply. Must, she have to, closes the door. Puts her handbag onto the rack. There is none to be found. Perhaps a hanger, it is broken. She looks at the dirty toilet seat and paused. “Which style should it be for this one ? The mid air flow, the kungfu squat or the lay me tissue ? She chooses the quickest method – Mid air flow. She pulls down her clothing and position her buttock. She then aims with a struggle trying to balance herself holding her handbag. Cautiously relieves herself, not wanting the waste material hitting anywhere other than the toilet bowl. She cleans herself, darn no more tissue. Still in mid air, she opens her handbag and searches frantically for her tissue paper. The search was a success. Pulls out the tissue and uses it. With no further a due, she quickly clothes herself, having in mind the companion waiting outside. Opens the door and washes her hands. She looks at herself in the mirror and realises the tremendous ordeal in the toilet has caused her messy hair and tiny droplets of sweat. The sweat seems to have run down and stained her foundation. The two shaded colour is rather obvious. Oh, no ! She looks into the handbag and tries to search for the compact powder. Finally, finds it … quickly damps the dust on her face. Since, she’s at it, might as well, reapply the lipstick. I’m sure my companion will appreciate a healthy looking glow. She wears her lipstick and takes a final approval look at herself. OK. She walks out. She meets the annoyed companion and hears ” What took you so long ah ? I’ve been waiting for ages ! The toilet got gold ah ? By the way, you didn’t do a proper job on the lipstick.”
Details of timing on the above event:
1. Spot the shortest queue – 10 sec
2. Walk, wait for queue in line – 10 min
3. Close door, look for place to put handbag, decide style – 20 sec
4. Undress lower clothing, position, aim, relieve, tissue paper hunt, dress lower clothing – 90 sec
5. Wash hands, reapply make-up, gazes at herself, admiring her beauty – 5 min
Again, calculating the unknown variable of the walking speed, total time spent is 25 minutes.
Having said the above, I humbly seek for the understanding of the male species reading this post, to think twice while you stand outside, waiting for your female companion. Possibly something nice to tell her when she rushes out of the toilet, I’m sure the women will appreciate your kind gesture.
ps: Men only : You may want to ask your girlfriend/wife the various techniques used if your curiosity boils up – mid air flow, the kungfu squat or the lay me tissue