Archive for January, 2008

Little Words to Live By
A confession is merely an avenue to purge the conscience of guilt. The only person you need to forgive is yourself, God can’t do that for you

By: M. L. Lai

Chinese New Year is just around the corner and the spring cleaning at home has began. The sun was scorching brightly that public holiday. An excellent day to air my shoes and rearrange the shoe cabinet. I took my faithful cleaners out and placed them at the front porch. Pair by pair of shoes came out from the rack.

There’s this particular shoe, my personal favorite. The last time it was worn was 3 years ago. It accompanied me to work every single day. I loved the shoe so much, my loyalty stuck by it, getting another pair for work would just mean betrayal. I took the pair out and it cried bitterly at me. It wasn’t worn out or gruffly looking, just tainted with dirt. It took me by surprise the condition of the shoe, so much so I felt sorry for it that it laid so many years in the cabinet untouched.

I remember the time I bought that shoe. It was when I received the job offer and with the first pay, I had extra cash to spend on myself. How sweet the moment was, as the shoe and I caught sight for months before it finally came home with me.

I started scrubbing using the detergent and the stains were still apparent. The years of dirt had sank so deep, I started to wonder, where on earth have I been to at work to have caught such silt on it. The brushing literally peeled the skin off my hands and yet the shoe still looked filthy. I could hear the others craving for my attention. As I looked behind my ears, I saw rows of shoes out in the sun. I sat there in my blue shorts and ruffled T-shirt, I got distracted. My collection amazed me. I started counting and oh my .. I have 22 pair of shoes! With the new pair I bought for Chinese New Year, my collection now stands grand at 23 pair.

Why do women have so many shoes? My friend has 120 pairs at home. So, I’m not THAT bad. *gulp*

Little Words to Live by
Never laugh at a person when he/she speaks of his/her family.

By: M. L. Lai

As I entered the room, the chills of my bones quivered. Seated on the bed was a man dressed in long brown khakis. Rubbing his feet with his hands, he paused as I stepped in. With my parted lips and bated breath, we hung on a simple introduction. He was Korean and I, a Malaysian. Two worlds apart, we attempted to exchange thoughts. Language was a barrier so we resorted to sign language.

When the lights turned off, I sat on the bed, preparing myself to snooze the night away. Only the lights outside the little window was shining brightly. Cuddling under the blanket, I was seeking for warmth. Across my bed, the Korean man was still rubbing his feet, then it dawned upon me that he had no socks and he was cold. I remembered I had an extra pair, I took it out and handed to him. He looked at me with an unspoken gratitude. In exchanged, he handed me a packet of gel and he gestured to me, rubbing the sole of his feet. I took the packet and looked at it under the pale light. I did as he instructed, rubbed some wet gel against my feet. Mother would have something to say to this, never accept things from strangers. Naively, I would imagine this 66 year old man could do me no harm, as his eyes sparkled with only depth of kindness. He reminded me of my father. Moments later, my feet felt a sudden heat, the waves of energy flowed through my body and I felt warm. Whatever the gel was, it worked and I drifted away into slumber land.

The next morning came too fast too soon, 2:30 am my mobile beeped. I woke up and was greeted with a hot cup of chocolate and instant noodles, from Korea. That very moment, I felt a sudden sensation that I can only describe as an effect that might follow the rotating of kaleidoscope. The thoughtfulness over a pair of socks. I doubt, very much so. I had nothing else to offer. We bid goodbyes and I continued my journey up the mountain, while he hiked back down alone. 2 lone rangers cross paths, and I don’t even know his name. He shall remained the humble 66 year old man who has my socks.

The hike up was different from the day before. There was no greens, no wild animals, no birds to chirp my way. Just me, I, alone and Rob. Walking on hard rocks, I found my steps getting heavier. All I saw in front of me was just solid granite. Then, the unspeakable happened. I realized why my steps were dragging me down. My pants were falling off ! Thankfully, I wore 4 layers of clothings, the first layer gave way as the zip opened itself somehow. Mid range, it dropped to my knee and I couldn’t walk. I yelped like a rotten child. Rob, in front of me turned around and saw me in such disgrace. I wished by then the rocks could shallow me alive. Instead of helping me, Rob stood there and laughed his way. Hastily, I grabbed my disgrace and fasten it, not much dignity left in me, I continued walking. Throughout the journey up was shameful, I was teased but we giggled up instead of panting.

Reaching Sayat-Sayat checkpoint, I saw more rocks. The challenge was here. Rock climbing hanging on ropes. Composed I tried to be while pulling myself up, Rob said “Please don’t drop your pants here, or you’ll never get it back”. Funny guy indeed.

I believe the height was 3679 meter when my body started to give in. My hands and body was trembling far too much and Rob had this concerned look. “Let’s stop here, you are shivering” he beckons in a comforting voice. “No !” I defended myself. I reminded myself from time to time “this is it, walk and crawl if you must”. After ten more steps or so, I couldn’t feel my legs, my feet, my hands and my body. The only vibration pulsating inside me was just my heartbeat. I could almost hear the sounds of it now.. boob …boob ..boob .. Rob saw the fear in me and came next to me. I leaned on him and whispered, “Ok, I can’t walk anymore. I’m too cold. ” There are things even strong will power is not enough to sustain your body.

We walked back down to the hut near Sayat-Sayat checkpoint. The one hour lying on the cold, hard mattress, everything else that mattered to me didn’t matter anymore. It’s not the big important things that you remember when you come to that, not the plans of years, not the love or hopes you’ve worked so hard for. It’s the little things that you remember then, the little things you hadn’t noticed at the time. The hand that once held mine when I fall, the little inflection of voice I never really bothered to listen. That instance, quite suddenly I felt convinced of the existence of God as if I had only to put out my hand to touch him. I will see daylight, dawn.

When the sun came up behind the clouds, I could see the silver lining so clearly. That magical seconds, the sun shone onto my earthly soul.

People say when you see death in your eyes, you will appreciate life even more than ever. I received 20 missed calls from my parents and a few from my close friends. Decisions you make in life, it is not only you that need to be aware of the consequences but putting it bluntly, you do sometimes live your life for others.

Little Words to Live By
Every person is gifted in some area. We just have to find out what.

By: Evelyn Blose Holman

Speakers from left: Kenny Goh, Timothy Tiah, Kid Chan, Ng Khai Lee, Ganesh

With the current political condition and state of education system today, I often frown when I think of Malaysia in the future. Sometimes, I sink into a sunken grieve when my friends and I begin on the disquisition on the terrible state of the world with the timenorm. I wished I have brought those friends of mine to the Youth 08 Entrepreneur Convention.

Speakers from left: Oh Joo Nee, Mia Palencia, Kenny Sia, Kevin Zahri, Kid Chan

Towards the end of the session, I find myself seated at the back of the convention hall. I gushed back after registering my name in the Nuffnang Traffic Jam party. Holding my little note book, a young girl came and sat next to me. Dressed in a pair of black slack and a crumpled shirt, she’s probably at most 22 years old. Ecstatically she panted, “I just arrived. I was working and I probably missed the whole convention.” ” Why do you bother to come at all” I heard my thought replying to her but I held my tongue. I acknowledged her attempt of small talk with merely a nod. The next thing she said caught me off guard as I never expected a stranger to ask of me. In fact, the last time I heard those words was probably 10 years ago !

“Can I borrow your notes?” When she finished, I could hardly speak. This youth came all the way after work, despite missing almost all the speeches and yet she had this unspeakable courage to ask a complete stranger for notes ! Her quest for knowledge and thirst for information is truly commendable. I suppose my little note book gave the impression that I had recorded all the wise words of the speakers, where in actual fact the papers were merely a tool I used to draft out my blog post whenever I have inspiration to write. Not knowing that, she was poking her head and her nose in between the pages. My privacy was invaded. I showed her the page and she was not contented. She prompted further shooting me down with machine gun questions, “What are the steps? Did they list down the way to do it? What are the tips ? Any website I should go to ? ” I was shot dead point blank.

What a shock she gave me. First it was the “kiasu” student who pounces on my notes, then it was a hungry woman who wants to be spoon fed. I must say, I was somewhat disheartened that the expectation was set as such step-by-step on “How to become a successful entrepreneur” would be the highlight of the speeches. A remark made by another passing acquaintance during lunch, “Speakers didn’t really say much of how. I didn’t get much action points.” If this is what was expected, may I beckon to change your thoughts, as for my answer to the aspiring hungry woman, “The how is in the attitude. Passion, determination, persistence and hard work. There are many ways to get things done.” I was obviously not getting my point across, as her response was “So, no website ah ? Got ah ? ” Trying hard not to roll my eyes I said, “Yes, there is. Start with …” Somewhat dissatisfied and disgruntled, she walked away.

No, I don’t despair about the youth today.

Little Words to Live By
A spark ignited by 2 person never dies off, it only either remains as a spark or burst into flame

By: M. L. Lai

I took the time to use the cleanser
to apply the toner
and to spread the moisturizer
so you could admire my face, so radiant and a little fairer

I scrub my back so it seem
and lather it with shower cream
and might I may take longer in the bath room
just so you can touch my soft, smooth skin so groomed

My handbag’s packed with lip balm
and clumsy I am searching for it so calm
I melt when you say as I lay in your arm
my lips so sweet and tender charm

Don’t call me vain when I spend hours in the salon
You know, I rather be with you alone
Don’t deny the sparkle in your eyes it cloned
When you watch me brush my long, shiny hair so toned

Don’t judge me as a typical woman
just so because I want to make you proud my man
standing next to you I lean
a beautiful lady you call your beauty queen

Little Words to Live By
If you tell a girl you like her and she blushes, she probably likes you too
If you tell a guy you like him and he says and do nothing, you can forget about him

By: M. L. Lai

Ally drives into the car wash. As her car enters the drive way, her eyes met with Dylan. An immerse energy emerged within her. Her spine tingled and the moment froze. Within seconds, Dylan opened the passenger door, allowing the water sprinkle showering the car seat. The wet moist air filled the car. Both eyes locked at each other. Without a word, they kissed. Strangers they may be, their tongue throb lustily into each other’s sweet opening. Layer by layer, pieces of clothings ripped apart, revealing Ally’s smooth skin ..

I watched in amazement, Ally Mcbeal Season 3 one late night. This episode lurked particularly deeply in me. Two thoughts overloaded my brain as I watched the episode floored on the screen. “How is it possible for two strangers to have the most passionate sexual experience without emotions? “Why do we need to have the last fling before we move on to the next chapter of our lives?” The answers were not entirely revealed in the episode but it left such strong pondering notation in me.

“It was a man without a face. He just happened to have a dick.” Ally’s word rang at me. Lust in the beast within, compelling the act of love. Yes, it is possible, you may not remember the name, the face, but the steaming passion I’m sure it lingers on. Ally, a single woman, her act in my opinion is acceptable (Note, I said “Acceptable”. It does not imply morally justified, such behavior. ) but Dylan was an attached man. A man soon-to-be wed. So, here comes the big question, WHY? Why did he do it ?

Supposingly, the ‘soon-to-be’ wife finds out, and yes she did. Ally couldn’t refrain her big blooper mouth when she found out at the wedding itself, her one night stand was marrying her client. The plot thickens.

Disastrously, Ally announces the betrayal during the wedding reception at the church, in front of 400 guests ! Conscience reacting well, I’m not sure, at least she has one. Unbelievably as it may sound, the man showed no regrets, no retribution of any sort. A cold, heartless beast. I can’t help but to only conclude that this only shows disrespect to the wife and the act itself questions the love he has for her. If he truly loves her, he would not have hurt her.

So, why did he do it ? Why do we human, crave for that last fling ? Please enlighten me.