Archive for the ‘Inner Thoughts’ Category

You deserve exactly where you are. I will remember this statement for life. These 6 simple chords woke me up.
The year is almost ending and I look back on my 12 months journey. The 1.1.11 challenge, which I have announced publicly to my friends, to the world – a plea to help me achieve 11111 followers in the Internet world. A handful answered to the call and took actions.
My utmost gratitude to my dear friends. I am truly blessed with such friends in  my life.
Some answered to the call with merely words and took no actions.
Some said nothing and ignored the plea.
I am grateful for all the beings in my life for I have learnt so much watching and observing you. I hear your thoughts. If only you knew.
Tonight, marks the end of my final fear. I have full control of my life. I am in love with myself.
Happy New Year 2011 !

Life is like a piece of art block. When you started school, did you ever realize that during art class, everyone had different types of art material ? Some had the 36 color set of color pencils, where else some had only the 12 combination set. There were also others who had none, those that had to borrow shades from others.

I remember when I was young, I envied a friend of mine. She had the most beautiful set of 48 color pencils. Every gradation of the light spectrum was in it that box. Each pencil was sharpened to perfection. I had the 12 set, where the basic ground of color was granted to me. Sat across me, further down the classroom, was a little girl tied in little pony and her pinafore was rather dirty. She sat at the corner of the class during that lesson because she had no art materials. She did nothing, she drew emptiness.

Did the girl with the most art material had a class pin up at the end of the lesson ? No.

If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, don’t expect your life to be colorful just because you had the tools. The art block is yours. You need to draw.

I took a long walk in the neighborhood today. A 1.5 hour me-time. The sun shone on the surface of my skin, I feel alive and grateful.

I remember taking short walks after dinner years back. A customary I missed very much. Watching households and how each family choose to decorate their garden was an eye-opener.  Watching each family in their home with different color painted gates was always the topic discussed during these walks. I would then, imagined how my ideal home would be. A small cottage with a big garden where the dogs roam free.

“The grass is always greener on the other side” a famous quote I recall as I walk along the pathway today. There were pebbles and stones in the courtyard while some grew beautiful petals and landscape it with fresh ferns. The fresh air filled with scented mild dew. Have you looked at your own garden ? What have you planted ? It is important to ponder before you declare that the grass is indeed greener on the other side.

I gathered some pine cones and brought it home, placed it in the basket where the table was spread in the centre of the living room. I was pleased. Do you pick any pieces while you journey every corner of your life ?

Life is short. Live it.

I was waiting in the car. The knob was turned on, something I hardly do. The music came on. The voice then spoke. It echoed “Its not the size of the ring when the guy proposes. Its the way how he proposes that gives the girl a story to tell her girlfriends at the engagement party”. What profound statements !

A flashback came upon me and true enough, the gossiping and girly moments when the news were shared was not exactly on the size of the ring. It was how sweet and how creative the proposal was. Ask any girl and she can tell you her ideal proposal. Undeniably, some may prefer the magnitude and the cut of the band. The story that lingers on is the proposal.

Sitting on the comfy car seat, I zoned out. I was smiling, recalling the moments when my friends announced the happiest moments in their life. In random order, my favorites.

Hugging her from behind, they stood to watch the sun set and the birds were chirping. He pulls out a small blue case, slips his arms to the front and gently whispers to her “Marry Me”. Beaming from ear to ear she opened the box, revealing the most beautiful, glittering jewel. “Yes” she replies in joy.

They met at the bar. It was a common hang out place for their mutual friends. On New Year eve, the bar was packed. He planned it so well, asking her to walk out the street, in front of the bar because it was getting rather rowdy. He forgot his lighter and walked back in, asking her to wait for him. He then walked upstairs where the balcony is. The clock stroke,  instead of yelling Happy New Year, the banner dropped at the balcony, revealing the words that read “Marry Me”. The crowd cheered so loud that when she said Yes, it was almost the group nodded in delight.

It was 6am in the morning. He came to her house, walked into her room with a bouquet of fresh red roses. It’s her favorite. Kneeling down, “Marry Me” he utters. Bedazzled, it felt like a dream .. she nodded and went back to sleep. At 9am, she wakes up and the ring sits on the desk with a card attached to it. The words pen ” I make your dream come true, I love you”

Both of them love the park. From afar, she saw balloons. They walked closer and soon arrived to a great oak tree. Decorated with colorful air filled, it looked like a rainbow tree. In the shades, you could read the words, “Marry Me”. The ring hangs on of the branch where he guides her to it. Sits her down, on his knees and announces the sweet 2 words.

I used to follow a blogger for many years. I think it must have been at least 2 years. She wrote of such beautiful words. The blog was dedicated to her boyfriend. A love so pure. Then, she went abroad to study. Still, the emotions were strong. Her boyfriend sent her flowers and gifts. I could almost feel her excitement each time she pen her thoughts on the loving posts.

Months past, her writing started to get ugly. Her boyfriend stopped calling. The enchanting lullaby slowly manifested into vengeance. It was almost she hated herself and the keyboard was her only friend. I was helpless. I posted up encouragement to her. I was a stranger trying my might to let her know, life has its meaning with or without him. Then, it went dead. The blog shut down. I never knew what happened to her.

This post is dedicated to her. In times when I read blogs, I miss her. I read a blog today on feminism and it reminded me of the alluring lady I never met. I pray that love will find its way to her soul.

I was signing off my blog today and I saw this note on Facebook. I had to post it out because the Universe is answering my last post.

Following is a letter to his son from a renowned Hong Kong TV broadcaster cum Child Psychologist. The words are actually applicable to all of us, young or old, children or parents!

My Son,

I am writing this to you because of 3 reasons

1.     Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable; nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early.

2.     I am your father, and if I don’t tell you these, no one else will.

3.     Whatever is written are my own personal bitter experiences that perhaps could save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches.

Remember the following as you go through life:

1.     Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and me. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and ALSO you have to be cautious, because everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. You have to be careful; don’t hastily regard him as a real friend.

2.     No one is indispensable, nothing in the world that you must possess. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don’t want you anymore, or when you lose what/whom you love most.

3.     Life is short. When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.

4.     Love is but a transient feeling, and this feeling would fade with time and with one’s mood. If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient, time will wash away your aches and sadness. Don’t over exaggerate the beauty and sweetness of love, and don’t over exaggerate the sadness of falling out of love.

5.     A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, which does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard! Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life. One can go from rags to riches, but one has to start from some rags!

6.     I do not expect you to financially support me when I am old, neither would I financially support your whole life. My responsibility as a supporter ends when you are grown up. After that, you decide whether you want to travel in a public transport or in your limousine, whether rich or poor.

7.     You honour your words, but don’t expect others to be so. You can be good to people, but don’t expect people to be good to you. If you don’t understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles.

8.     I have bought lotteries for umpteen years, but I never strike any prize. That shows if you want to be rich, you have to work hard! There is no free lunch!

9.     No matter how much time I have with you, let’s treasure the time we have together. We do not know if we would meet again in our next life.

Your Dad

My fingers are sore. Its truly is. 500+ Facebook Wall Message, one by one I wrote. As I type along the words, I took moment to enjoy my friend’s profile and read their happening in life. I reminisced and appreciated my friend. I miss every single of them deeply.

I had a flashback of who this person is. Let me ask you to ponder this question – how many people in your Facebook friend list is legitimately your friend ? When I started Facebook, I told myself – I will not let Facebook turn into a Friendster account. My friendster account has tons of people. I blindly accepted because I don’t know how to say No.

Although I have 500+ friends, I would admit I have not been a good friend to all. The year is ending and for some, I have not met or seen in ages. Do you know, the mirror is 2 way. Its a reflection. So, I can understand when  my plea of help, for support is ignored by some.

Winning is voluntary. So is helping. Judgement or not, we are who we are. I learnt a new word few weeks back. NATO – No action talk only.

73 days to go as I countdown for the moment. I am preparing my essay for the most compelling life changing experience. The last paragraph of that essay would be the result of the plea. How my desire manifested the number my intuition spoke to me when I read the email from Nancy. How I truly believe that when Friends United, miracle do happen.

http://bit.ly/friendsunite

I thank you for your action. It speaks the loudest.

I started a movement. A social movement. A movement plea with my Facebook friends. Although I may not know you. You visit my website, reading the lines of words I have in my mind.

I need help. Details at http://bit.ly/friendsunite

When you wake up in the morning, your thoughts come across a person. You have the symptom.

When you lay yourself at night, getting ready to doze off, your thoughts come across a person. You have the symptom.

This is what I call a “crush” if the other party is unaware of your emotions. If the emotion is expressed, its call an “infatuation”

So, what do you do if you have the symptom ? 2 choices. Keep it to yourself or tell.

Whichever decision is made, both will caused an emotion turmoil.

If the feeling is not mutual, so be it. Find another smuack who shares the symptom because of you. Life is too short. Live it.

He walks out of the bathroom, wearing his bathrobe wrapped around his muscular body. I could see the moist air coming out from the door. I gulp with anxiety. His footsteps brought him seated next to me in the bed. He lays down, turns around and gazes into my hazel eyes. By this time, I could hear a needle drop in my heart. I could hardly breathe. His long lean fingers reaches my face, brushes my long hair to the side, slowly, gently, he tucks my hair behind my ears.

He draws himself closer to me. He emanated the comforting feelings that he cared about my unspoken words. He then pressed his lips against mine. The warmth of his tongue flows through the vein in my body. I could feel myself floating, my soul separating from my body. His fingers clutched around my waist, and he pulls me nearer. Our body touched.

My thin layer of cotton top felt warm. The slit drops off my shoulder, exposing my naked skin. His tongue gently found his way to my neck. I gasped in tantalize desire. I felt an inkling sensation deep inside me. Ten minutes later, I realized I’m completely unclothed. I was overwhelmed with the bareness of my body. Conscious if I had the right curves at the right place, I tried to motion for the blanket. Reaching at the side with my arms, I stretched. It was then my thigh clutched ever so tightly.

The above extract was written 2 years ago. I never had the courage to publish it. Its a non-existent experience, only one I had it in my own words, in my own mind. Life for the couple of months have been explosive, a major transition in my life. So much so, I find no time to blog and yet words flow through my mind every hour, every minute, every breathe I take – I wish I could pen the words as I enjoy the constant pleasure.