Archive for the ‘Pondering Notion’ Category

He was clearly excited with the new gadgets. He held it close, so close that he clutch it so hard no one could grab it from him. When he arrived home, he immediately tore out the packaging, revealing the treasure.

I sat from the dining table, watching in glee. I smiled. Moments of such is priceless. Watching my nephew in excitement and from the corner of his eyes, he knew I was looking. Then, his daddy walked in. My brother, in his brown T-shirt and torn jeans, he marched into the house. He’s no longer the dude I wrestled with when I was 8. He’s no longer the dude that pulled my hair. Yet at times, I wish I could relive the moments, where I could just be a spoilt brat and cry to mummy so I could watch mum spank my brother for no apparent reasons. Yes, I’m the evil sister.

Anyway, back to my nephew. As his father footsteps brought him close enough, my nephew started yelling for attention. “Babi … Babi … Babi…” endlessly he yelp. I burst out into laughter. My nephew is half Mexican. “Babi” means daddy. In the Malay language, “Babi” means pig ! My brother was confused. For a moment, he forgot his origin – Malaysia. I had to remind him of the language. And so, we started giggling hysterically. Soon, everyone was curious because we were laughing like idiots in the household. Like a little child, I went on to tale-tell to my sister-in-law about the commotion. I was retorted by surprise. Defending her husband, she said “Did you know in Espanol, “Kucheh” means “pig”? My face went blank. It was not funny. “Kucheh” in Chinese means “pig”, where my niece calls me.

Exactly that moment, my brother burst out even louder. Apparently, my brother and I are snorters.

Lesson learnt. Diversity. As one defines a word, it is interpreted in a different manner. Even if we speak the same language, one can still be misunderstood.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married,
they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the First mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a
profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship
on love alone’; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for
20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust ‒ i.e. trust that I won’t
get ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as ‘someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self’ absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t
do your homework.

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not‒going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and
caring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self’esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make
someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self‒esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you
won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.

His eyes sparkled and twinkled like a little boy when he spoke of the story. It was merely a naive question, “so how did you meet your wife”

The car accident connected us. A misfortune that changed his life. It’s been 12 years and he tells the tale as if it happened last month. I sat and listened contently. They were not strangers, just friends. The friendship blossomed into a beautiful bond.

They continued the bond despite the distance. Both went separate ways as they move on with their life journey. Yet, they kept in touch, a simple phone call every day/night. “All my money was spent on phone bills” he said. Even when he spoke, I knew if he had to do it all over again, he’ll spend that money on her. That’s love.

I envy her.

I don’t think I will ever live the day to have a long distance relationship. The emotion torment. How did they survived the years ? I am really puzzled.

I have this incredible surge of excitement today. I feel like jumping around and dancing to the tune in my head. Spin in circles.

The world smiles at me and I returned the favor with an impish glee. Everything is turning into this purplish screen. Sweet lavender petals, falling off the sky.

I can’t help smiling. I feel utterly silly.

1992, the year the words of a 12 year old stung the hearts of many in UN. Possibly the world. I am late, 17 years to be exact.

This young lady is 29 years old this year. I often ponder my words; if what I say, what I do have any effects on anyone. The voice of this child was heard. What happened thereafter ?

If you ask God for patience, would God grant you patience or the opportunity to be patient ?

This Chinese New Year I discovered something new about my family history. I have a grand aunty. My grand aunt is 60 years old this year and the big discovery was, I found out that she married my grand uncle when she was 30. What’s the big deal ? Well, my grand uncle 30 years back was 60. If you do the Math, this far relative of mine married a man 30 years older than herself. And here’s the punch line. She’s mistress number 5.

So, grand uncle must be very rich and horny at the age of 60. With all due respect, the statement in itself is a compliment to my late grand uncle – God bless his soul.

I arrived at the unfamiliar location, step my little toe into the corner terrace house along with my family members. A young, tanned man greeted us at the entrance and guided us in. Dashingly charming looking, I must admit, the cute hunk is my grand nephew. The family ties get pretty ironic and confusing when you ogle at your own blood line. In fact, it was rather icky our acquaintance when our eyes made contact.

I sat in the living room quietly and I thought to myself, this woman, a stranger in my life, I greet her by respect, grand aunty strikes to me as a humble, friendly lady. A far contrast to a name once tagged on her. On the way before arriving the home, I was brief on the background of “The Gold Digger” by mother. What a horrible way to cast upon an innocent woman. Couldn’t it possibly be that it was pure love between a 30 year old woman and a 60 year old man ? Why the biased judgment on the woman and not the man ?

I sympathized the years she had to endure, the sacrifices and compromises she made for the name of love.

Why is it acceptable for a man to date/marry a younger woman but sadly yet our society impose an ill name on the woman? This is clearly discrimination to women.

For a fact, a woman needs security and assurance from her partner and when one fails to find those attributes in men close to her own age, the next best option is to, seek it from older men. That, to me, is a practical approach in meeting your needs. Biologically, in general, men’s mentality matures slower than women, I believe an average gap of 2 – 5 years. So, when a woman recognizes that and chooses to escape from the paradigm, she’s a definite “Gold Digger”. How shallow.

Now, let’s look at the situation when a woman dates/marry a younger man. The term for the woman is “Cradle Snatcher”. Need I clarify further?

Age is indeed a factor. Succumb to that, you close your heart to love and just be blinded with the number.

That grand aunt of mine has my utmost respect, the courage to love.

Do you know yourself well enough ? I came up with this list of questionnaire with the intention of posting it up in Facebook but I never got my arse in completing the task. Procrastination is in my blood. I blame my bad genes. Anyhow, here’s the list. See if you can answer it within 2 seconds for each statement. Which do you prefer?

1. Chicken – Fish
2. Ice Cream – Chocolate
3. Beef – Lamb
4. Movie in Cinema – Movie at Home
5. Drive a Car – Ride a Motorbike
6. TV – Radio
7. Drinking – Dancing
8. Sex – Oral Sex
9. Fruit – Vegetable
10. Hug – Kiss
11. Cook – Wash
12. Talking – Listening
13. Boobs – Butt
14. Japanese Food – Korean Food
15. Giving End, Ear – Giving End, Neck
16. Receiving End, Ear – Receiving End, Neck
17. Computer Games – Play Station
18. Building – Destroying
19. Baby Boy – Baby Girl
20. Eyes – Lips

Please entertain my request. Cast your votes below. I have a hypothesis yet to be revealed. (Results out in next week)

Create polls and vote for free. dPolls.com

Create polls and vote for free. dPolls.com

Ally drives into the car wash. As her car enters the drive way, her eyes met with Dylan. An immerse energy emerged within her. Her spine tingled and the moment froze. Within seconds, Dylan opened the passenger door, allowing the water sprinkle showering the car seat. The wet moist air filled the car. Both eyes locked at each other. Without a word, they kissed. Strangers they may be, their tongue throb lustily into each other’s sweet opening. Layer by layer, pieces of clothings ripped apart, revealing Ally’s smooth skin ..

I watched in amazement, Ally Mcbeal Season 3 one late night. This episode lurked particularly deeply in me. Two thoughts overloaded my brain as I watched the episode floored on the screen. “How is it possible for two strangers to have the most passionate sexual experience without emotions? “Why do we need to have the last fling before we move on to the next chapter of our lives?” The answers were not entirely revealed in the episode but it left such strong pondering notation in me.

“It was a man without a face. He just happened to have a dick.” Ally’s word rang at me. Lust in the beast within, compelling the act of love. Yes, it is possible, you may not remember the name, the face, but the steaming passion I’m sure it lingers on. Ally, a single woman, her act in my opinion is acceptable (Note, I said “Acceptable”. It does not imply morally justified, such behavior. ) but Dylan was an attached man. A man soon-to-be wed. So, here comes the big question, WHY? Why did he do it ?

Supposingly, the ‘soon-to-be’ wife finds out, and yes she did. Ally couldn’t refrain her big blooper mouth when she found out at the wedding itself, her one night stand was marrying her client. The plot thickens.

Disastrously, Ally announces the betrayal during the wedding reception at the church, in front of 400 guests ! Conscience reacting well, I’m not sure, at least she has one. Unbelievably as it may sound, the man showed no regrets, no retribution of any sort. A cold, heartless beast. I can’t help but to only conclude that this only shows disrespect to the wife and the act itself questions the love he has for her. If he truly loves her, he would not have hurt her.

So, why did he do it ? Why do we human, crave for that last fling ? Please enlighten me.