F – Failure
E – Embarassment
A – Abandonement
R – Rejection
What is the cause of your fear ? Do you truly know the reason ?
Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the call to action despite the fear.
Have you ride on a roller coaster or did a free fall ? The fear emotion derived from the thrilling ride is not exactly the same fear I’ve just described.
Failure. Our education system imprinted a definition of success and failure. If we are a A student, we are deem successfull, where else if we failed in our studies, we are doomed for eternity by the society’s perspective. No parents would be proud to announce that his/her child has failed in school. If you study Robert Kiyosaki ABC people in the world, in my humble opinion I feel his theory is rather provocative. Here’s the definition by Robert which I interpreted with my ever so simple yet curious mind.
A student = are the smartest individual. They get things done in perfection. Corporate want them and employ them because these groups of individuals can deliver quality work. Corporate fight for individuals with high credentials. “A” student will work in corporate life through time slavary, earning money for others. The work is done so well, A student make themselves indispensable.
B student = are the not so smart and not so dumb individual. They usually don’t have the confident to start their own business most likely because they feel inadequate as a “B” student. Corporate ladders don’t really want a B student, only if HR can’t find a “A” student, you become second choice and get lucky to be in a MNC company. For those without luck, they end up in government service. With government service, comes all the nice perky benefits. Get comfortable, never move out. So, why government service is slow, well I think because the staff are not dumb, they get things done … just not as efficient as a “A” student.
C student = Those are the suppossingly the bad seeds in the society, the ones that serve no value, no contribution. For some C students believe in such definition created by the society will then live a poor miserable life. However for some C students with high fighting spirit, refuse to accept the reality. They take risk because they have no choice, working society do not want them. Ask any business owner, if they were a A or C student and you’ll understand my point. Because of this nature, C student create new path for themselves. They take the path no one walks. They become successful entrepreneurs when they think outside the box.
They will be in time the A and B students get sick and tired or reach enlightenment on this simple theory, move out from the belonging zone and step up in becoming a C student category.
So, I feel because of the unwritten rule by the society on how we are judged based on our exam papers, we created fear for failure. So much so, that some don’t ever bother trying because it will mark a big “F” in their life. Imagine starting a business and you end up being bankrupt. Would you tell everyone in your life that you failed ? Fear of failure is a self inflicted limiting thought. I admire Thomas Edison in his creation of electricity – I have found a million ways to succeed. Remember that every failed step makes you closer to success, to your goal.
Embarrassment. This is a funny one. Some people are so afraid or have such pride that its ridiculous that they choose not to take action in fear of being embarrass. I have a friend of mine, dropped money in a large crowd, made such noise that he was too embarrass to pick up his money and he left the money lying on the floor. How do you overcome the fear of embarrassment? Be confrontational. Ask and demand for things. Do stupid act in front of the public. Laugh at yourself. Human sometimes are so afraid of what others think of ourselves, that we choose to do nothing. The truth is, no one really cares if you did embarrass yourself in public. People who love you in fact will just find it funny that you embarrass yourself. People who don’t love you, well truth to be told – THEY DON’T CARE !
Abandonment. This is a difficult one. Abandonment is usually associated with matters of the heart. Unwanted feeling, that no one wants or love you. Do you love yourself ? This fear shows insecurity. I grew to understand that human are selfish being by nature. With love, we become selfless. No one would love you until you start loving yourself. If you feel worthy of yourself, being abandon should have minimal effect. Matters of the heart is a strange and the most challenging to overcome. Something, no one can explain. Love is a energy source that is created from a mystical zone.
Rejection. A big “No” can be suicidal if love is involved. Have you ever seen a child cry in the shopping mall as if it was the end of his life when his parent said No to toys ? Saying “No” is sometimes hard to do as well. In the Asian culture, we are brought up to be humble and not to accept compliments well. Even if someone says you’re smart, rich, beautiful, observe how an Asian responds to such statement. Every rejection is a failure. Like failure, every rejection brings you closer to your goal. If you ask once with the same person, the person responds a no, you try again ? Yes, you try again with a different method of delivery. However, if it concerns to matter of the heart, its a entirely different ball game. When a girl/guy rejects your affection, accept and move on. Persist on the same matter regardless what the methods used, the other party will just resent or find you annoying. Will you die if someone says No to you ? Remember my story of the child in the mall if you ever feel bad about rejection.
So, what is the cause of your fear ? How has that fear limit you from reaching your desire ? Your desire must be stronger than your fear. Faith and fear make poor bedfellows. When one is found, the other cannot exist.