{"id":705,"date":"2010-08-18T09:24:10","date_gmt":"2010-08-18T01:24:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/laimayleng.com\/blog\/?p=705"},"modified":"2024-09-06T16:44:16","modified_gmt":"2024-09-06T08:44:16","slug":"did-you-find-a-life-partner-or-a-love-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/did-you-find-a-life-partner-or-a-love-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Did You Find A Life Partner or A Love Partner?"},"content":{"rendered":"

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER<\/strong><\/p>\n

by Dov Heller, M.A.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
\none wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
\nit appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
\nfinding Mr.\/Miss. Right!<\/p>\n

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married,
\nthey’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the\u00a0First mistake people
\nmake when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
\nlove. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a
\nprofound truth here.<\/p>\n

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
\na good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
\nwill come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship
\non love alone’; You need a lot more!!!
\nHere are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about
\nfinding and keeping a life partner.<\/p>\n

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for
\n20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you
\nplan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
\nYou need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
\ncommon life purpose.<\/p>\n

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
\n(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
\nTo make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
\nBottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.<\/p>\n

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?<\/strong><\/p>\n

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
\nFeeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
\nbasis of having good communication is trust \u00e2\u20ac’ i.e. trust that I won’t
\nget ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
\nA colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
\nfeel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
\nyourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
\nperson you plan to marry.<\/p>\n

QUESTION ..3: Is he\/she a mensch?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
\ntest? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
\nregular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
\nmine defines a good person as ‘someone who is always striving to be good
\nand do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they
\ndo with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
\nmaterialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
\nrefinement.<\/p>\n

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
\nare dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
\nseeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
\nput personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
\nthat before walking down the aisle.<\/p>\n

QUESTION ..4: How does he\/she treat other people?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
\nability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
\npleasure.<\/p>\n

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
\nwrapped up in themselves and self’ absorbed?
\nTo measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
\nwhom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
\ndrivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
\nhave gratitude and appreciation?
\nIf they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them
\neverything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
\nsomeone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
\nwell.<\/p>\n

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
\nof trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of
\nmine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
\nfor the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
\nnow, then you are not ready to marry them.
\nIn conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous.
\nThe key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
\nyour heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
\nto be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
\nFalling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
\nyour finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t
\ndo your homework.<\/p>\n

Another perspective…
\nThere are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
\ndistance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
\nleast minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
\nnot\u00e2\u20ac’going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
\nPay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?
\nWhich ones encourage and which ones discourage?
\nWhich ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
\ndownhill?
\nWhen you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
\nWhich ones dont appreciate you?
\nWhich ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and
\ncaring words or annotations.<\/p>\n

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
\ntruth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
\nto sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
\nlife.<\/p>\n

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
\nand after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a
\ncommitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
\nignorance, pressure from others or a low self’esteem make you blind to
\nwarning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can
\nchange someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
\nimportant.
\nDo you bring out the best in each other?
\nDo you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
\ncompare and control?
\nWhat do you bring to the relationship?
\nDo you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
\nYou can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make
\nsomeone love you or make someone stay.
\nIf you develop self\u00e2\u20ac’esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you
\nwon’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
\nor responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
\nwrong reasons to be in a relationship.<\/p>\n

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:<\/strong>
\n1. TRUST
\n2. COMMUNICATION
\n3. INTIMACY
\n4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
\n5. SHARING TASKS
\n6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
\netc.)
\n7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
\n8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
\n9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
\n10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
\nIf these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
\nresentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
\nreplace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER by Dov Heller, M.A. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr.\/Miss. Right! If you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pondering-notion","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=705"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":707,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705\/revisions\/707"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laimayleng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}