Hmm…something is not right. Ah, yes .. my title is misleading. It’s not “Just Me’ this time round.
Title should be rephrased, “I’ve No Perfect Butt”. Yes, it’s about my butt. The butt, where the male species often like to ogle on.
Psychology lecturer, David Holmes in Manchester Metropolitan University has came up with a formulae to measure your bottom. No joke, a professor did this study. Here’s how to calculate your perfect round.
(S + C) X (B + F) / T = V
Equation measures shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry.
S = overall shape or droopiness of the bottom.
C = how spherical the buttocks are
- B = muscular wobble or bounce
F = firmness
T = skin texture and presence of cellulite
V = hip to waist ratio
Scoring ranges from 1 – 10, 1 for low and 10 being best
Sounds complicated. Don’t fret. Let me help you. I share with you, my butt diagnosis.
I’m less than 30 and not married, ain’t got any bastard off springs, so my bottom has not had any trauma to sag. However, I can’t seem to “fattisized” my jeans, thus I would safely rate my S a “4”.
C, this is a tough one. How do you gauge a sphere ? Well, here’s how I do it. I sit on a chair long enough to create a mould, then I place a coin and let it roll over. I count the oscillation. If the number equates, then, its a spherical butt. Having said that, both cheeks seem to balance well. As such, I rate my C a “6”. Why a “6” and not a “7” or “8” or “9” ? Well, the coin only rolled twice, meaning is not deep enough.
I then jump up and down, watch myself closely in the mirror for any signs of wobbling at the lower bottom. Nope, no wobble. I cry for joy. A good “7” for my B. Oh, wait, I’ll be nice to myself. It’s a “8”.
Next, its firmness. I tie firmness and wobbling closely related. So, F is a “8”.
Cellulite. I love this. I hardly see any. How to check, simple. Squeeze your hands in a circular mode and gather your flesh. If you see some flabby funny looking extras, that’s cellulite. “2” for my T.
Last but not the least, do the math to get the hip to waist ratio. Here’s a snapshot.
(4 + 6) X ( 8 + 8) / 2 = 80
I have a score of 80 ! Not bad, and I thought my butt sucks. Cool !
You try !